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Two Exposures. One Picture.

If the illustrators of the Bible had drawn pictures of Adam before and after original sin, it might have looked like me and the Attorney.  Physically we are very similar.  Two sides of the same coin:  One side, the Attorney, has the banana leaf . The other side, me, has…well, just the banana.

I’m the Before. He is the After.

You see, where I am naked as much as the law will allow, he doesn’t go the Full Attorney except in the shower and in the sack.  Even then, his nakedness serves a function.  If he’s just sleeping, then there are at least a few square inches of coverage.1

Mind you, t’s a not a problem or issue between us.  He couldn’t care less if I’m sitting bare-assed on his kitchen stool eating an apple.2  And I find it kind of amusing that a man in great shape won’t skinny dip in his own pool despite lots of trees and a privacy wall.

I just wish I could pinpoint what keeps him under cover.  It’s not like he suffers from body dysmorphic disorder3  Just check his running gear for evidence of that. In cold weather it’s skin tight-leggings that showing every bump and bulge, and in warm weather it’s those little high-cut running shorts that would be scandalous on a hooker yet are perfectly acceptable when worn in pursuit of an accelerated heart rate or a gold medal.

And before you jump to conclusions, it’s not a pecker issue either.  Lord knows, I have seen it enough times that he has no need to hide it from me.  Or from himself.

Yes, the constant coverage happens when he is alone, too.  I’ve asked him.

” I just feel like I need something on,” he said.

Fair enough.

He needs his modesty. I need my nudity.

Ironically he does go barefoot a lot.  Ironic because that’s the last thing I want to see.  To me, if you’re going to keep something covered, make it your feet.

After all, I do.

And that’s probably just as amusing to him. 4

So there we are.  Two different exposures.

Making one picture.

{ fin }

  1. the sheets don’t count. []
  2. as long as I’m sitting on a towel []
  3. although OCD, that’s another story. []
  4. All banana and socks. []
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  1. Sue Sue

    This is a top notch post! Kudos! It is so sweet that you guys are still in love and together. I am so happy for you Tony! Did you two ever take up rowing?

  2. It does, indeed, take numerous points of view to make the world go around — a weirder and wilder place. Ten years ago, you couldn’t have MADE me take my clothes off. Today? They can hardly stay on. You’ll have to join us at one of our two nude beaches some summer day. The Attorney can stay clothed if he wishes. You and I will smear sunscreen on our bits.

  3. rayrayj rayrayj

    Another wonderful, insightful post. This is what I missed while you were on sabbatical. I’m so happy to have you back.

  4. Mike Mike

    Ditto on feet. People should be born with wheels.

  5. Brion Brion

    Damn. I was hoping for photos. I mean it seems logical.

  6. Tony, Happy New Year…and welcome back to the blog world. Your voice has been missed and I’m tickled pink to find this new offering from you today…and thrilled to hear you saw in 2009 with Granny AND the Attorney.

    My ex was big on the Black-Eyed Peas tradition; I adapted it to a New Year’s stew, using a bit of the left-over CHristmas ham, celery and carrots and it was easier that way to choke ’em down. Bet Granny’d never allow that, though, eh? Not with all that ketchup out there in the world.

  7. Bob Bob

    So, I’m new to this whole blogging experience, and during my travels through this new world I stumbled across someplace just West of Mayberry.
    I love the blog.
    Love the writing style.
    This particular entry made me smile because my partner and I have our differences in almost everything, but those are the things that pull us together.

    Thanks for sharing this story, and your other stories.

  8. David David

    Hi Tony,

    I’ve really changed over the years in regard to this subject. I’ll sleep in my underwear, never nude, never have — this has been a constant. I’ll never sit on furniture bare assed (this has also been a constant), or in my underwear (I used to but that stopped – Not that I’m dirty, but it just seems like it would be making the furnature less fresh). I love flimsy shorts. I have really nice feet and am barefoot often in my house (I used to have a must wear sock rule due to oils on the feet and carpeting, but I don’t give it a second thought now, which suprises me). I’m high low maintenance, I guess.

  9. Yup, put some shoes on. I’m glad it’s -1,000 degrees in Canada right now because sandals won’t be resurfacing until the great thaw.

    Wonderful post, it’s my first visit and I’ll come back for sure.

  10. Wayne Wayne


    Thank you for coming back. I feel like a long lost friend, is back in my life. I was missing you, Granny and the Attorney. I hope you have a wonderful New Year.


  11. Gene Owen Gene Owen

    What is best about this story to me is that you accept each other for the way and who you are. To me that shows love as much as the hand in the shoe.

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