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How much of life is circumstance and how much is really Fate?
That question has been on my mind the last few days.
I guess because of Good Friday.
Good Friday is a fateful day in my relationship with the Attorney. A benchmark.
Because that’s when it all started. Good Friday 2005.
Well, things didn’t really get started until about a year and a half or so later. But that Good Friday was the first time we laid eyes on each other.
I wrote a post about that night on my old blog. But, the focus of that post was about perception. Meeting him was just an example to illustrate my point. Because, at the time, of course, I did not know that it was fateful the he’d become The Attorney, instead of just an attorney.
The reason I wonder if Fate was at work in the background is because we met in a gay bar. Not that there is anything wrong with that. But, it’s difficult to chalk it to simply circumstance because neither of us are much into the bar scene. Locusts return more often than we go to a bar. So, what were the chances that we’d be in one the same night? The same one on the same night.
I went home with him that first night. But we didn’t hit the sheets. He made me pancakes and we soaked in his hot tub.
So, a man takes me home from a gay bar and serves me what happens to be my favorite childhood meal.1 Circumstance or Fate? Granted the hot tub had no significance, but everything can’t be a sign.
So, how much of a hand did the universe have in putting me and the Attorney together?
Consider that I left his house in the wee hours of the morning with his phone number and I never did anything with it.
I have since found out from him that he thought my excuse of not staying the night because I had to take care of my Granny was a lie created to blow him off.2 And when I never called, it confirmed to him that I wasn’t interested.
Of course, he was wrong on both counts. I was very interested in him. I know it doesn’t make sense when you look back on it, but the fact was that I liked him so much that I was afraid to call him. Why would an educated, sophisticated, white-collar man be interested in an average laborer with only a high school education? Sex was all I could figure.3 And I figured that’s where his interest would end. I was just as wrong as he was.4
Luckily…or was it Fatefully?..we ran into each other again several months later at Walgreen’s. A Walgreen’s down in Knoxville that I had never been to before. And never since. It turns out it is his regular Walgreen’s. Circumstance or Fate?
I think at that point, Fate said, “Okay, I put you two together again. Now it’s up to you.” And The Attorney heard it. Because he was not going to let me go until I agreed to see him again. Being a man who is driven and being a good attorney, he left me defenseless.
And so, week or so later, we were steaming up the windows of my truck after our first proper date.
It makes me wonder if that was merely the first and second time fate tried to throw us together. Were there times before that. Near misses?
Maybe on football Saturdays we brushed by each other outside the stadium. Had I maybe seen him zipping through the park where he sometimes runs when I was there with RJ and his dog?
There are definitely places in common that we have frequented. How often was it at the same time?
I guess only the universe really knows.
{ fin }
- Once, as a a kid, I was indulged with pancakes for Thanksgiving. [↩]
- not in the good way [↩]
- I mean, country boys are damn good sex. [↩]
- Although I am still amazed that he continues to have interest in me. [↩]
Fate is amazing! It must be true love for all of those things to happen that way Toni. BTW – You underestimate yourself by a mile, a mile I tell ya! You are no common laborer by any means. If you had had the $$$ you could have been anything you wanted to be and gone to any school you chose. You know white lady tell big truth. Now y’all come on up to CT and git hitched already!
Perhaps Fate disguises itself as Circumstance, because it’s easier to accept, and a lot less scary.
You are still “amazed” that the Attorney continues to be interested in you. Your self-doubts make Circumstance a more comfortable explanation for why the two of you are together.
But your writings tell us that deep-down, you know that you and the Attorney belong together, and are connected by much more than happenstance and good timing.
That’s the view from here!
I don’t believe in coincidence. Everyone, and I do mean everyone we meet is put there for a reason even if that reason is unclear.
Fate or not it is all working for you. Fate- an inevitable course of events. Can that be proven? I met my wife in a hot tub at the Y. I went there every day hoping to see her. I think that sometimes when you want something. You yourself can manifest it and make it a reality. My wife and I have been married for 12 years now and we sit and talk about those goofy times at the Y in our own Hot Tub.
Take the good the gods provide.
Call it what you will. Cherish it.
So, fate or otherwise, it was indeed a Good Friday then, wasn’t it? Happy days.
How romantic– truly. Happy Anniversary! I think it’s time to quit being amazed, and thank your God or the stars or something that things are what they are. Having wonderful things in your life is best when you know and acknowledge how wonderful they are at the time. Something to be savored!
Oh – I don’t food on first date to be fate. Pankcakes produce IPF (icky pancake feeling). My first date w/my partner he brought me home for his homemade banana bread.
No thank you! Not for me. So we DID hit the sheets! A good compromise.
But at least Good Friday worked for you – and him.
I’ve always said you sell yourself short my friend. Integrity isn’t based on what you for a living but how you live.
The Attorney sees what I’ve always seen, a great man with a big heart (and something else. *eg*). How could he not love you?
Don’t count the hot tub out. It might have significance some day! Too, I’m a big believer in the universe guiding us to where we should go. It’s easy not to pay attention, but the Universe never lets up.