Comments on: Too Little, Too Late

By: kenneth

kenneth — Mon, 04 May 2009 03:24:23 +0000

That’s really heartbreaking.

By: David

David — Sun, 03 May 2009 04:20:57 +0000

Tony -

I’m sorry to hear about Travis.

I know guys with all the support in the world….still, drugs will be their undoing. You were a good egg when Travis first approached you with the subject of knowing anyone “queer”. How do drug dealers live with themselves? That’s who should be questioning themselves in blog land.

By: Travelingman Rick

Travelingman Rick — Fri, 01 May 2009 08:00:30 +0000

Sometimes Tony no mattter what we do we cannot change the cosmos. There are many out there who IMHO are just on a path to self destruction. It is not a personal choice but more a side effect of the deep sense of self loathing that religion can bring to gays and lesbians.

Growing up in the south I know that feeling and also what it felt to become an outcast in my own family at 20 when I came out. Fortunately for me I was determined not to let it ruin my life.

When I came out in 88 Coke was the drug of the day and I watched people around me get drawn into it and I knew that I would never do any drugs just for that reason. The saddest part of your loss and what happened to Travis is that we as a community just do not have the family and community support to help those that are coming to terms with their sexuality.

Sad, very sad indeed and I am sorry for your loss.

By: moby

moby — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:14:11 +0000

I remember this story well. Hindsight is always 20/20. The truth is you weren’t in a place to be the type of mentor he needed. There is no shame in that. We can always ‘shoulda coulda woulda’ our actions after the fact. More to the point, we don’t know Travis’s whole story. We only know one little snippet that overlaps with yours. Don’t blame yourself my friend. There is a much bigger societal issue here.

He seemed like a bright kid and while mentoring might have helped, IMHO his denial later clearly showed he was not ready to accept it. He compounded this by later turning to a destructive path. I’m not blaming him as we are all human, prone to mistakes. But 2nd-guessing the outcome doesn’t solve anything.

Meth is a horribly addictive drug not only physically but psychologically. It takes years (yes I said years) to beat the psychological affects. Some never do. It is destroying our community from the inside out. Hopefully, other young readers can learn from Travis’s mistake and avoid such a horribly destructive path.

*hugs*

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our own actions in life T. You know that well. I’m fond of saying, “its not your fault but it is your problem”.

By: Greg

Greg — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:56:53 +0000

So sorry to hear this news. Of course its troubling to you, because we always wish that we had done something more, found something to say, something that makes a difference. Knowing that things happen as they are meant to is often little comfort.

I hope you can find some peace about how things turned out. I imagine Travis has.

By: Suave

Suave — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 22:38:41 +0000

Dude, so sad to hear this. And I know we don’t know each other, but I’ve had several similar experiences. I’m not out at all in my life, except to the guys that a) I’ve become close friends with outside my “straight” circles or b) the guys who I’ve had sex with (they have a rough idea). Whenever I used to hook up with younger guys even 3 years younger than me, I had this total big-brother reaction going on where I wanted to help, give advice, counsel on experience or just plain knock some sense into them. And in some cases we remained in touch and I’ve watched them evolve into well-balanced guys in or out of the “gay lifestyle”. Unfortunately, in others I couldn’t convince them away from certain atractions of that lifestyle present in larger cities (like drugs, VERY unsafe sex, alcohol, extreme body preocupation etc). The bottom line is, some guys in their younger years just need to feel they fit in, and when they find some guy to look up to or validate who they feel they are, we can guide them to the right path. But other times, they just need to drown out certain issues (self-hate, personal past, feelings of inadequacy etc) through full-immersion in the gay lifestyle and all the numbing effects that can be had within it.

Sorry for the long post here. But your story really struck a chord.

By: irisgirl

irisgirl — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 17:15:28 +0000

I am just so sorry…..

By: brettcajun

brettcajun — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 15:28:02 +0000

This is so sad. In retrospect, perhaps you should have come out to him. But TRUSTING him to keep your secret was probably on your mind as well. In the South, we have to worry about “job security” if we work for a private business. So, I understand totally why trusting someone with knowledge of your sexuality is so important. Well, next time a young boy comes around looking for a mentor… perhaps you’ll be more comfortable in coming out next time. You can’t blame what happened to him on you. He chose that path.

By: Sue

Sue — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 11:58:51 +0000

It is always a tragedy when one so young dies. But, as one man, you are not responsible for all the lives of all young gay people. Please accept that. On the other hand, this is a learning opportunity for the future. Could you have done anything differently – I don’t know, and as Brenton wisely notes, this is not the time to play “if”. You did give him some help and that is more than anyone else did. The question is, what you will do next time and craft your response to these and other situations of this ilk. How much are you willing to trust and put yourself at personal risk in the future based on this outcome? Only you can answer these questions. But I am sure I’m not telling you anything you haven’t already considered as you are an intellegent well meaning individual. Bless you Tony.

Rest in peace Travis.

By: Brenton

Brenton — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 09:52:00 +0000

Tony, you can’t ask yourself what if. It will get you know where. You gave him some help and that’s more than anyone else probably had at that point. Unfortunately, like thousands of others, Travis got caught up in the idea of what is cool and appropriate for a typical gay man to do. He wasn’ strong enough to resist and make a smarter decision.
Be grateful you’ve always had the confidence in yourself to live life the way you want to.
Lots of love and wishes.