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Swingin’ and Rockin’

I’m not a clothes person.

I’m not talking in the fashion sense.1 I’m talking in the wearing sense.

If I could go without clothes and not get arrested, I would.

Despite my Internet history, it’s not an exhibitionist thing.  It’s comfort, plain and simple.

As much as I have hated to see Granny’s physical decline over the years, the bonus is that ever since she has had trouble climbing stairs, I have pretty much lived my life on the second floor bare-assed.

I read naked, watch TV naked, blog naked2 …If I can do it naked, I do.  Even if I get chilly, I will put on only as little as possible to make me warm.

I don’t do it so much when I’m at The Attorney’s place.  That’s because he isn’t the bare-ass type.  Maybe because he spends his days all buttoned up in a suit and tie, stripping down to his underpants feels like nudity to him.

Speaking of underpants, he doesn’t understand why, if I like being balls-to-the-breeze, I don’t go commando.

Look inside a pair of pants and you’ll see why.  The part were you deposit your junk.  It’s nothing but a snarl of rough seams and fabric edges.  I don’t need3 all that rubbing and pinching up against the Beauties and the Beast.

If my stuff is gonna have to be on lock down, on house arrest, I need the softness and support of a good pair of underpants.  And boxers don’t do the trick.  When I want to swing, I want to swing like Tarzan, not like Granny’s glider.

That’s why I want a kilt.

Yep. A kilt.  I’ve been giving it serious thought.  All the freedom of being naked while staying within the boundaries of decency laws.

I think I could get into wearing one.  From banging around the grocery store to Sharon Stone-ing fellas at the barber shop, I could totally get into rocking a plaid skirt4 …and whatever that thing is that hangs down in front.5

I wonder if a wife-beater is considered improper attire with a kilt.  Because that’s the way I plan on wearing it this summer.  Swingin’  it and rockin’ the beater and kilt look.

I’m not even sure where to get a kilt.  Not sure how it will go over in East Tennessee, either. I guess I could use the excuse that I’m honoring the Scottish side of my Scots-Irish6 heritage.

Honoring my Cherokee blood would not help me.  They were not a tribe that wore loin cloths.

Too bad.  Because I could totally rock that, too.

{ fin }

  1. Which I don’t have. []
  2. Like right now. []
  3. or want []
  4. I hope my clan has a nice looking tartan. []
  5. Something to keep your boner down? []
  6. From where most folks around here descend. []
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22 Comments

  1. Paul from Q Paul from Q

    You could easily revise the swing and rock eras and make beautiful music at the barber shop with “the Beauties and the Beast” trio. Wow! Lucky next in line.

  2. Good luck with the kilt. I’m sure it’ll grab some attention.

  3. I bought a kilt last year. It’s awesome. Amazingly comfortable and totally sexy. The bit in front, that’s a “sporran.” A great replacement for pockets, but it is designed to protect the twig & berries.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sporran

    You should get a kilt…share pictures…and you could totally getaway wearing a wifebeater with it.

  4. What you need is an “Urban Kilt” (http://www.urbankilts.com/)… that would work perfectly with a wifebeater, and I can totally see you rocking one in black or khaki!

    You could even wear it to work if you could trust the Phyllises not to try and peek under it… 😉

  5. What is it about some of us that cause us to shed SHED SHED our dainties? I’d never ask you what you wore under the kilt….everybody knows that’s bad manners. I’d simple, quickly, easily just go underneath to find out. Happy Clothesless days. I’m right there with you, brother. Hugs.

  6. DJ DJ

    The “thing that hangs down in front” is called a sporran. It’s an old school fanny pack. You’ll need one ’cause traditional kilts have no pockets. You’ll also need a pair of boots that come up to your lower calf. Think engineer boots, Doc Marten’s, or Frye biker boots that come up to your lower calf. Never ever wear sneakers. For cooler weather, you could rock a heavy fisherman’s sweater or a leather biker jacket like Duncan in the BBC series “Monarch of the Glen”. If you’re gonna rock the kilt, ya gotta do it right…

  7. California Alex California Alex

    You wear socks. You’re maybe naked in the shower.

  8. While this boy will always, first and foremost, continue to admire, gush, and faun over the meritable bulges you’ve displayed, I salute your quest for freedom.

  9. irisgirl irisgirl

    Why did the song “Blowin’ in the Wind” just pop into my head! 🙂

  10. I love my kilt – with a wife beater and combat boots. You should definitely get one!

  11. Curtis Curtis

    When I lived in Cornwall in the UK, I often wore a kilt and a big bulky jumper (sweater) whilst hiking the cliff tops. If made of wool, they are very warm and VERY comfortable. Now-a-days, I wear it when I’m in the garden. Doubt that I’d wear it in town.

  12. A A

    You should also check out Utilikilts (http://www.utilikilts.com/). They’ve almost always got a booth at DC Pride and don’t require the sporran (thanks, guys, I had no idea what the hell it was called either), as they take cargo pants pockets and introduce them to the kilt idea – this unfortunately kills the boner hiding aspect, but allows you to show off the Beauties and the Beast! Also to consider, and this comes from a similar Scotch friend, is the idea that you need them in different materials of different weights for different seasons. You obviously don’t want the Beauties and the Beast to be basting in their own juices beneath a wool one in July, nor do you want them to shrivel to normal-people size under something insufficient in February. Good luck shopping, and, we wouldn’t mind knowing if boxers, briefs, boxer briefs or other are your preference…or The Attorney’s!

  13. Sue Sue

    I love my kilt that my mother bought for me in Scotland. The background is mostly black and it has red, white, blue, and yellow in it. It says Fraser, but I have searched all the Fraser clan’s tartans and can’t find it. You must get one! They are so comfy to wear! Below is an image of it, with the lower being closer to what the pattern looks like.
    http://www.scottishimports.com/TARTANS/new/Hay.jpg

  14. David David

    You were on a roll with this one. Funny stuff!

  15. Jeffrey Jeffrey

    http://www.guiltykilt.com They are little more but they are hot and come in a low waist style. They have a fashion show on Youtube also.

  16. Those pics would be for a very different website. But I’d like to see nekkid blog posting.

  17. Mike Mike

    “A” and Travis have got it down … it’s all about Utilikilts … wife beater works great …

    btw, we moved from NYC to Asheville NC, near the TN state line … bit of culture shock, but diggin’ the Smokie Mountains … can see why you’ve stayed around.

  18. Utilikilts are a great hybrid between the classic Scottish kilt and contemporary butch leather and slightly goth garments. a tall, slender man like yourself will look sensational in one and the wifebeater will just play right into the look.

  19. I don’t care where you get it, I don’t care where you wear it – I just want to see pictures. (And you can Sharon Stone me anytime 😉

  20. Good information, keep working man. I like your website. Cheers~~~~

  21. martin peter swift martin peter swift

    hi tony naked is the best way to be, kilts are very comfortable and quit stylish and you could easly carry one off, keep swinging and roking i’me with you.

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