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As of May 1st, my momma has been dead for twenty years.
But she is still with me.
I know because for twenty years she has made her presence known from time to time.
Since I have been out of work, I have been doing a lot around the house. I repainted the exterior a couple of weeks ago, and have been doing deep Spring cleaning inside.
I was digging through stuff on Saturday morning and Momma popped up when I found a box of old records that I believe had been hers. There was a lot of Motown, which I know she loved. And her name was on the box.
But it could have just been an old box.
One of the more interesting things I found among the records was a Broadway musical album called “Mame.” I had never heard of it, but from reading the jacket I realized it was a musical version of the movie “Auntie Mame,” one of my favorites.
I’m not really much for musicals, but I was pretty floored when I saw that Angela Lansbury was in it.
“Murder She Wrote” sings??
I had to hear this.
I put it on while I kept cleaning house.
Yep. Sounded like a Broadway musical.
I half paid attention to it until a particular song played. It seemed vaguely familiar.
I stopped what I was doing and took in the lyrics to the sweetest little melody.
It was called “My Best Girl.” Auntie Mame and the little boy she adopts sing it to each other. It’s all about how they will forever be there for each other. It’s as much of a love song a grown woman could have with a kid. 1
If you’re with me, whatever comes
We’ll see that trouble never comes
And if someday, another girl comes along 2
Determined to take your place
I hope she’s resigned to fall in behind
My best girl
I guess it’s because I’m always a little sad this time of year, what with the May hat trick of Momma’s death, birthday, and Mother’s Day, but the song sort of tore me up. It was sending me into a deep funk about my momma.
Then Granny started humming along. Maybe the old record is hers.
And then it dawned on me:
That song isn’t me and Momma. It’s me and Granny.
In a lot of ways, she’s my Auntie Mame.
Finding the box my mother’s name was Momma’s sign that I remember she is still with me, but I think the record was her sign to remember what Granny has meant to my life.
I know it sounds sappy, and maybe a little bit of psycho-spiritual mumbo-jumbo, but I have always been 0f the feeling that when Momma got sick, she didn’t maybe fight as hard as she could have because she thought things would get better for me if I ended up with my grandparents.
My father was an alcoholic who would be dead within three years, and my brother was on a criminal path of no return. My future wasn’t looking bright. My Momma had already sacrificed a lot by working two jobs while trying her damnedest to keep a stable home, but I think ultimately she sacrificed her life to save mine.
I only wish maybe she could have played the song before she went.
And if someday, when everything turns out wrong
You’re through with the human race
Come running to me, for I’ll always be
Your best beau.
{ fin }
I think you got it exactly right…
And the musical was turned into a movie in 1974 with Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur… http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0071803/
I sit here with tears in my eyes reading this.
In January of 2005 my partner lost his mother to a long series of illnesses and I will catch the grief in his eyes in an unguarded moment when he thinks I am not aware.
May HaShem continue to take care of your Momma – and may HaShem continue to care for you and your Granny.
You are a man of rare insight and a wonderfully people-centric view of the world.
I feel priviledged to read this blog.
Todah
Damien Oz
You didn’t know Mame? “Oh, the worlds” you’ve to discover.
Heart felt can never be sappy. Thanks again.
You pulled a few of my heart strings out of tune with this one, Tony. So many things seem impossible to understand on this side of the vale. Only God knows….
I tend to get in a funk around this time too. Sometimes it’s like my body just does it naturally now and it knows Mother’s Day is approaching. May and June I tend to be a little depressed and scattered brained. Lost I guess you could say. =\
I had tears in my eyes from reading this. I love your writing and hope you the best to get through this time of year. BTW, Auntie Mame is one of my all-time favorite movies, never particularly liked the musical version with Lucille Ball and Bea Arthur.
“Live, Live, Live. Life’s a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death.”
Tony, your writing never ceases to keep me wanting to read more from you. Thanks for sharing!
Your mother will always be with you. Some people pass in and out of our lives, but with the relationship you had with her – however short – you have her.
Revel in that. It’s a great thing when you do.
Oh, Tony—this one totally grabbed my heart—-and I feel all of your posts are treasures. I’m not sure I can find adequate words to express how beautiful and touching this is.
Mothers Day is always worse for me than the anniversary of my mother’s death (January 7), partly because the commercial push starts earlier and gets stronger every year, but also because up here in Chicago, the lilacs arrive just before Mothers Day.
My mother used to get positively giddy when the lilacs bloomed—she’d stick her whole face into the lilac bush and inhale the fragrance like it was some magical drug. Which it was, for her. She’d get this huge grin and her gorgeous blue eyes would absolutely twinkle. It was hilarious and sweet and joyous.
Oh, how I miss her.
Thank you, Tony, for sharing some of your mother, and giving me a forum to share a little of mine!
No words can express my respect for your writing. May you find peace in what ever you do.
lost my Mom this last October, this will be the 1st Mother’s Day without her and she would have turned 80 on May 18th…..going to be a rough month.
I lost my Mom on May 15, 2009. This is my first Mother’s Day without her, and I woke up today in a funk. It doesn’t matter how long they’re in our lives…our Mama’s are always in our hearts!
“from the outside”, I have a sense of what you go through in May. My partner’s mother died the week of Thanksgiving in 2004 and ever since, it’s been very difficult for him to do anything with that holiday. Associations like that are hard to get through.
If you haven’t read the books (“Auntie Mame” and “Around the World with Auntie Mame”), you should. The movie is great, but the original novels are much, much better – you’ll appreciate the sense of timing and the rhythm of the language.
A very touching post Tony…it really hit home.
The same song has proved to be a link between myself and my mother. I am not much of a musical lover, but sometimes, lines like those you wrote resonate at another level and effect us deeply. Thanks for sharing this story and for caring so much about those important to you: They doubtless have their own ‘song’ that underscores the meaning you have to them.
P.S. Mame is one of the few musicals I can take and Angela Lansbury is fantastic in it (and so is Bea Arther as her friend!)
The musical with Ms. Lansbury is grand but it would be nothing without the tremendous original performance on stage by its originator – Rosalind Russell who also starred in the original movie version which is the only one worth watching.
Ms. Russell’s career was nearly over. She had moved beyond leading lady and well into character parts when she was offered the starring role on Broadway. It was a complete smash and her career was reborn as a result and an entirely new generation found again one of the best actors our screen and stage has known. She and Peggy Cass were again cast in the starring roles when the original movie version was produced and yet another audience saw this star shine.
There is no better role model in our lexicon for what a loving supporting creative motivating parent should be whether rich or poor, grand or plain. It is the touchstone for every crazy aunt and uncle who cares for those in their keeping. We should all be so fortunate to have one. We can all find our mother in there somewhere. It should be on every shelf as a reminder that we need each other.
I’m glad you’ve found your man. Care for and inspire each other every day you breath. Life is short. Don’t waste a minute.
PS… Lansbury is at her best in the Sondheim stage version of Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. She sings. She sings very very well. She has been and continues to be “the” best thing Broadway has had at its box office for nearly six decades. She’s still on Broadway in a starring role in the play A little Night Music for which she received a Tony award nomination this year. And who can forget her starring role in the Manchurian Candidate. Spooky. Mame would shun her and so would Ms. Russell. I’m sure your granny would do the same. How fortunate you are to have had your mother, your granny and your man to safeguard your steps.