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I have always been suspicious of products that stray away from their original form.
Like those Hershey kisses that come swirled with caramel. Or Windex with “the cleaning power of citrus.” 1
I’m especially leery when manufacturers start adding features to products that might involve my cock. Do rubbers really need ribs and nubs and all manner of stimulators? Just give me a plain old rubber that doesn’t feel like I’m taking a blood pressure test and leave the stimulating to me.
I saw a commercial tonight for a new condom that Trojan has put out. It’s called “Fire and Ice.”
I repeat.
Fire.
And Ice.
Two words that I don’t want associated in any way with my pecker.
FIRE AND ICE???
For real?
Why don’t you just tell me to lube my cock with Icy Hot sports cream?
How does this work?
Do you get both sensations at the same time? Like fever and chills? Like your dick has the flu?2
Or does one come first?
I guess if I had to pick, I would go for the ice second, to cool off the fire.3
Or is one side of the glove fire and the other side ice? If so, how do you make sure you unroll it the correct way?
And say that you are a fire man? What if it turns out your hook up is, too?
This is something folks are going to start working out ahead of time. I can see the online profiles:
attractive fire bottom seeks well hung ice top for NSA encounter
or
24 y/o grad student looking for gdlkg stable daddy. fire/ice versatile. uB2.
then folks will get creative:
Heat Miser searching for his Snow Miser. Hot polar on equator action.
Will there be a stigmas?
Heat-acting bi male for discreet. You host. No fats, fems, or icys.
What about the old-school hanky crowd. This could throw the whole code into a tailspin.
How about the etiquette of fire and ice? Is a fire bottom expected to keep taking it until the ice man cometh?4
The whole idea is just fraught with potential trouble.
I realize that the whole point of the new rubber is to make your stuff feel good. But we don’t need the extreme of ice. And definitely not the extreme of fire.
I think it would be disconcerting to feel like you’re catching an STD while wearing a rubber.
So, no fire and ice.
Sex should feel like something in between.
Warm and nice.
Like Trojan Warm Apple Pie. Or Trojan Warm Hunk of Butter. Or more to the point: Trojan Warm Juicy Throat.
That’s a product I could get into.
Deep.
{ fin }
- Really? You ever tried to clean orange juice from the nook of a glass? [↩]
- and your load is like some sort of penile diarrhea? [↩]
- Which in other cases would require antibiotics to cool off. [↩]
- I could not resist. [↩]
Trojan warm juicy ass
You’re bad–and so good. Thanks for sharing. Come now.
You are too funny!! Hope all is well down there…
Have you ever tried toothpaste for lube?
Deep indeed! Perhaps I am old fashioned but isn’t feeling good the whole point? Besides chemistry is subjective. Better living through chemistry is not all it’s cracked up to be. Just look at the Gulf!
Great post.
Ha ha, I’d definitely be an icy bottom for fire tops then.
Can’t imagine something icy in there!
Case of marketing gone crazy.
Well, this is something to think upon. I think being a firey Bottom for a Icey top would be rather fun!!!
I did have a guy once that thought it would be funny to apply Icey-Hot to himself prior to our getting down and dirty… I was amused and that evening didn’t go anywhere as he spent quite some time in the shower.
Yeh, just old fashioned getting down is fine by me too.
Your wit is a terrible thing to waist…lol! Sometimes its great just to read your post and have a good laugh. Thanks Tony! I needed it today.
Oops…I meant waste! That’s what happens when you type while you’re laughing.
Well, first of all, these are definitely NOT being marketed to the gay niche. When gay guys get “creative” with sex, the LAST thing we think of is creative things to do with a condom. All the ribbed/tickler/fire-and-ice condom ideas are for straight guys with small dicks who need to “spice it up” down there since they don’t have much to work with. When you have a big dick, you NEVER hear, “Um…hey, why don’t we try…” from the other person. Specialty condoms are such a non-issue.
dude, how long have you and The Attorney been dating now?
unless one of you is HIV+ (and I’m not asking, it’s none of readers’ business) maybe it’s time to forget about condoms, at least with each other.
of course, that also brings up the notion of monogamy (again, not asking, none of our business) …
I’ll never forget the (safe) day my hub and I tossed out the condoms … good times, man, good times.
ROTFL, this post was just too funny. You have a great sense of humor.
Laughed out loud at “the iceman cometh”. Glad to see you know your Eugene O’Neill!
Yeah, I never quite understood the fire and ice concept. I’ll stick with the warm.
I remember watching a rerun of “Married with Children” when Bud was telling his father that because he was married sex was over for him and that he (Bud) was in his sexual prime. Ed responded that when he was young at least he didn’t have to wrap himself in a tire.