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“Are you meeting your son?”
That was what the hostess asked the Attorney one night when we were meeting at a restaurant for dinner.
I got there first, and while she was seating me, I told her I was expecting someone and described him not only physically, but as my father.
Before he could say no, she pointed me out.
“Is that him?”
He saw me grinning at him, holding back a chuckle, and just accepted that I got him. His dry “Hello, Son,” when he sat down at the table was pretty priceless.
Still, I wish that I had saved that practical joke for something like Father’s Day.
To many a casual observer, if they don’t already think we are actual father and son, we may appear to have a father-son/daddy-boy relationship.
Those folks couldn’t be more wrong.
I’m too independent and the Attorney is too youthful.
If anything we are more like brothers.
Or at least kissing1 cousins. This is East Tennessee, you know?
Father’s Day has never been a big deal for me. My father died a tragic death when I was a teenager, just a few years after my momma. But, even in the years prior, very little of his sun shined on me because I was always in my brother’s shadow.
The Attorney has lost his father, too. But much more recently than I did. He also had a much stronger relationship with his. So, the whole father-child aspect of life has more meaning for him.
I asked him the other night if he ever wished that he had kids.
He said that he has often thought about what it would have been like and what kind of kind of parent he would have turned out to be.
I think he would have been a good one. Definitely better than me. I just don’t have the nurture gene.
“Why,” he asked me. “Are you offering to be my baby daddy?”
Now, I’ve told you before that the Attorney is pretty square2, but you don’t know just how square until you hear him say the words “baby daddy.”
I told him that I am more than happy, willing, and able to go through the usual procedures for making a baby3, but I think our results will be poor. Which is probably a good thing considering what a cocktail of our DNA might produce. I don’t know what genes are dominant or recessive, but between the two of us, there is a high likelihood for tall, skinny, and big ears. 4
I could tell by the way he was thinking about the “what if” of children that he has/had a stronger desire for offspring than he is willing to let on. Maybe it’s because his branch of the family name will end with him. I feel some responsibility in that sense, too. But, then I think about the crying in the night, the destruction of my belongings, and rebellion of teens, and I quickly get over it.
So, I’m going to miss out on the home-made cards, the ugly ties, and yet another pair of dress socks.
There are too many people who don’t realize they are not cut out for having kids. Luckily, I am one of those who does.
{ fin }
You have been busy….I check frequently for an update…finally (but could you please proof it again?)
I understand…I can’t seem to get much written on mine often…at least finished…lots of ideas but follow through is difficult…
Just like kids…it seems conception is VERY easy for many…growing, shaping, re-proofing
them…very difficult.
I don’t know what my parents did wrong–I’m gay so have no kids, and my sister, married now for about 27 years was quiet vocal about the fact that she wanted none of the little varmints. I think I have wanted kids for about 5 minutes in my whole life.
Like I have always said; “having children is the biggest mistake I never made!”
Maybe I should blog about that?
Interesting post. Right now my father is in the “Dead to me” space that we Italian Americans reserve for people who’ve really pissed us off.
As far as Keyron and I having kids – one immediate problem we’d have is that he can be strict while I’m very permissive.
That came out when every Saturday we babysat a friends infant and eight year old.
One Saturday I had gotten us all some breakfast and then had to step out to fix a problem at work. I get back about an hour later and the eight year old is in tears.
The poor kid had maybe one bite left of his french toast. But Keyron made him eat it. Caused a bit of a conflict with Keyron and I though.
So kids would probably be a bad idea for us.
I’ve pondered the thought a few times, that it would have been nice if I had a kid. The family name stops with me as well. But could be hard to tell if it’s really my parental instinct kicking in, or would it be “maternal” LOL either way, I think it may be more quilt than anything that I should have had a kid.
He just turned 50. Your birthday is the end of this month. You’re not getting any younger. Better keep practicing. And, yes, it is good to know oneself.
I sometimes wonder if those who question their ability to parent appropriately aren’t exactly the people who should be having children. So many have children without even considering the possibilty that they will be, or even already are, horrible, awful, terrible, miserable, very bad parents.
Having known you online for several years now, I think you would make a great father!
But what do I know?
As a gay man, of a certain age, the possibility of fatherhood was remote, to say the least.
My homelife was more “Leave it to Beaver” than Beaver’s.
But seeing what is happening with “baby daddy” kids, I know I could not do worse.
I miss my Dad.He was a man’s man AND a great father for a gay son.
One only has to read a few of your posts to completely understand that you would make a wonderful parent completely devoted to your child. The kind of parent that would show up at school to defend the slightest offense and cheer on the smallest victory yet temper the momentous. The kind of parent a child is eventually proud of but in love with every single minute of every single day despite scoldings and chairs in corners.
Never doubt your ability to parent, to lead and to guide another. You do it every day you breath with every word. A kind soul makes a fine parent. A fun spirit makes it an interesting journey.
There is a rumor that Marilyn Monroe had an affair with Albert Einstein. What if the kid had his looks and her emotional stability?
Oh, I knew early on I would not have kids. Not bc I knew I liked boys (though I did), but that I chased my little sister around the house w/a butcher knife one day when she pissed me off.
I had an epiphany that “I will NEVER have kids”.
Don’t look at me that way – how many folks don’t realize it and then abuse their kids. At least I figured it out at 15.
My Father died when I was 11. We didn’t have much of a relationship as far as I can remember. Does it bother me? The odd time when I have a buddy talk so fondly of his relationship with his father or watching one of those damn Hallmark commercials around the holidays. I really don’t know how he would handle the gay thing.
I use to think that it would be my biggest regret if I wasn’t to ever have a child and be a Father, but those thoughts have passed. I have many friends with infants that remind me I would not survive the first three to four years of parenting. I have two nephews that I spoil terribly and enjoy their company. So I no longer regret not being a Father.
Being a good human being is my work in progress. I would like to see more of those people going forward.
I really liked your post. I’m a bit of the both of you when it comes to the “what if” scenerio with children. I could see doing it and see altering my life, but I’m also….”I have to do what ??? every day and every night and every weekend, and I don’t get a tiny break until 15 years?????????”
Again, as always, thanks for your posts – David