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Month: May 2011

Five One

I don’t know why I had my phone with me.

It was about six in the morning and I was sitting on the porch, like I do most mornings when the weather is warm, watching the sun come up.

Except it was cloudy.

So, I didn’t so much watch the sun come up as I watched the dark turn to light.

Maybe I expected he would call.  Or deep down wanted him to.

But on a Sunday, 6 AM is pretty early for The Attorney.

“Are you okay?” he asked when I answered the phone.

He was calling because it was the anniversary of my momma’s death and knew I’d likely be on my way into my recurring cloud of May funk.

She died May 1, 1990, a couple of weeks shy of 34.1

That’s another reason why May can be tough for me: Her birthday, Mother’s Day, and her death combined can pack a pretty big emotional wallop in the first half of the month.

I was also feeling a little guilty about the fact that  I wasn’t going to be able to visit her grave site down in Knoxville because Granny was feeling poorly and I didn’t feel like I could leave her for that long.

He offered to drive up and sit with Granny, but it seemed silly to me for both of us to each make a round trips to and from2 and I told him so.

“Then I’ll go see her,” he declared.

It wasn’t an offer.  He delivered it as a done deal that he would go to the cemetery as my sub.

He’d joined me on visits before.  In fact, that’s where I “introduced” them to each other.  But he’d never been by himself.

I don’t know if he was doing it for my momma, or if he was doing it for me.

It doesn’t matter, really.

Sometimes an action can make a motive trivial.

And sometimes, when you’re having a cloudy day, it can be thing that turns the dark to light.

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  1. You can read my recollection of that day on my old blog. []
  2. from and to, in his case. []

LT-Shirt Company

I guess it’s a little bit ironic that as much as I enjoy being naked, I would try my hand at selling clothing.

But, then it’s really more that I am selling jokes.  The jokes just happen to be on clothing.

The back story:  Several years ago I offered up T-Shirts with the Largetony logo1 on them, to try to help promote the old blog.  I sold a few, gave a few away. But that was it.  Nothing much to speak of.

Because I enjoyed the process of “designing” the shirts, I did a couple of other designs for a couple of blog buddies as gifts.  Both designs were suggestive visual puns.  I love puns and I love being suggestive, so I get a kick out of putting the two together.

I have been saying for a couple of years that I wanted to start creating selling “humorous, flirty, suggestive” T-Shirts and maybe make a little mad money.  So, I have spent some time learning to use drawing software and have gotten comfortable enough2  with it to start producing a line of “LT-Shirts.”

I launched LT-Shirt Company over the weekend and have about 15 designs to choose from at this point.  There are shirts for the gifted, for those who love them, for bears and their cubs, for the clever, and even one for a cause.3 Most are available in various colors.

Check out LT-Shirt Company.  If you see something you like, feel free to spread the word, and/or purchase! You can also follow @ltshirts on Twitter for updates and news.

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  1. it still amuses me that some people don’t get it []
  2. and I plan to get more so. []
  3. Plus more, and many more to come. []

Celebrity To-Do List

  1. Hugh Jackman
  2. Jake Gyllenhaal
  3. Curtis Stone
  4. Ryan Reynolds
  5. Hugh Jackman again
  6. Chris Hemsworth
  7. Chris Evans
  8. Hugh Jackman, round three
  9. with a Jake Gyllenhaal chaser
  10. Bradley Cooper
  11. Adam Levine
  12. Hugh, I’m back…

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Say Uncle

Year after year, I’ve never really given much thought to how old she would have been.

But, for some reason, I came to realize that my mama would have turned 55 yesterday.

If she were still around, she’d be old enough to retire.

But that doesn’t mean she would.  As far back as I can remember, she was carrying two jobs.  That was mostly for financial reasons. But I also think she was the type that wouldn’t be content otherwise.

Work makes me feel like I have a purpose.  I think she was the same why.  I had to get that from somewhere and it definitely did not come from my father.1

So, it would be hard to imagine her not working.

But, it’s also hard to imagine her at fifty-five years old.2

Especially since The Attorney will be fifty-one in two weeks.


It just hit me yesterday that they were born four years and two weeks apart.

I mean, I knew what year she was born, and knew what year he was, too.

But I never really thought about it.  Never put two and two together.

And when you put two and two together, naturally you get four.

In this case four years.

Picture yourself keeping company and knocking boots with somebody who is old enough to have dated your mother.

Can you?

I can’t.  And I’m doing it.

Maybe it’s because The Attorney doesn’t look like a man in his 50’s, but this is a tough one to wrap my brain around.

He’s not quite old enough to be my father3, but he is old enough to be, say… my uncle.

Pardon me, while I go back to not thinking about it.

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  1. From him, I inherited libido. []
  2. She’s always in her 30’s in my memory, the age when she died. []
  3. although  it is 15 years and this is Tennessee []

Aussie Artistry

Regular readers have heard me make mention of Brenton at Aussielicious.

For various reasons.  Not the least of which, he is one of the reasons, along with Hugh Jackman and Curtis Stone that I’m convinced there is no such a thing as an unattractive Australian man.

Naturally a man of beauty has an eye for beauty.  And it shows in Brenton’s incredible photography.

Besides his very popular blog, which runs neck-and-neck with Kennethinthe2121 for giving me traffic, he also has a website devoted to his photos, and recently opened up an online shop to sell his works.

And these are not just pecs and ass beefcake stuff.  This is real artistic expression through the male form.

He hasn’t put my favorite image he shot up for sale.  But there are several other wonderful pieces.

If you are a collector, go there now.  Even if you are not, you will love what you see!

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  1. talk about handsome! []

Little Ado

I obsessed all month about the Attorney’s birthday.

Last year was his 50th, so a big deal was made by all.

I didn’t want this year to be a let down.

But, I never came up with a grand plan, so by the time the big day rolled around on Sunday, I decided to let him call the shots.1

He said he didn’t care what we do, as long as we were together.

So, he came up to the house early this morning and we took it from there.

I did make things  a little special by making waffles for breakfast.

Topped with pecans.2 And sided with bacon and a ton of fruit.

I had him bring swim trunks with him so that at some point  I could take him to my favorite out of the way swimming hole for a little privacy and one-on-one.  We both like to swim and the weather has finally allowed the lake warm up some.3

The goal was to get him to skinny dip.  It’s something I have never been able to get him to do.  Not even in his own pool behind a privacy wall.4

Although we were mostly off on our own, there was an occasional person passing through the woods, several yards from us.

So, I failed again.

But even so, we had a good time.  The way we horsed around, it was like a couple of 13-year olds.  We probably looked pretty strange if anyone took notice.  Strange for these parts, anyway.

I have to say that the combination of playing in the water and the hot sun (above 90 degrees) pretty much whipped us.  We were wiped out.  Even a little post-swim, post-shower rolling around in bed, turned into a long nap instead.

But at least when I woke up, he still had me in his fist.

Granny was downstairs napping, too.  So we let her sleep a little more while we fired up the grill and started dinner.

I grilled a pork tenderloin5 and asparagus while he made a cucumber salad.

It was like it was almost any other weekend.  Like we do it all the time.

After dinner, we all had pound cake (family birthday tradition) while he opened a couple of gifts.

I know you’re waiting for some big moment to happen.

But there wasn’t.

And truthfully, it felt so much better that way.

No pressure, no fuss.

Yet it didn’t diminish the importance of the day.

Just a little ado.

About something.

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  1. it is his birthday, after all. []
  2. Except for Granny, who can’t eat nuts anymore. []
  3. although still a bit chilly. []
  4. Granted there is a house or two on a hill above him.  But they’d have to be using binoculars. []
  5. A favorite of his []