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Month: October 2011


He said he wanted to learn to pole vault.

Unfortunately, it was not a euphemism or sexual innuendo.

He was serious.

He meant the actual track and field kind of pole vaulting.

Granted, The Attorney is in pretty good shape.  Particularly for for his age.

He swims every day, runs most days, and bikes now and then.1

But, I don’t know if he needs to be trying to catapult 51-year old bones over a high bar.

It’s not the getting up in the air that worries me.

He probably has the speed and strength to push himself up there.  Plus he has the benefit of long arms and legs, so I imagine it won’t take as much effort to reach the same heights as a shorter2 man.

But, I worry about what happens when half-century aged bones hit the ground.

The Attorney likes sports and like being active, but even so, the pole vaulting thing came out of left field.

I asked him what made him think he wants to try it.

He said he just wanted to see if he could do it.  He wanted the challenge.

I think he might be having a mid-life crisis.

Isn’t that the way mid-life crises work?  You start doing things to re-capture your youth like buying expensive sports cars that you could never have afforded when you were young3; dating younger4; and proving to yourself that your body is still young.

I’m happy to help him prove his body is still young several times a day, if he wants.  But, I think this is a more personal journey.

A couple of years ago we talked about taking rowing classes5, so I suggested that he maybe look into doing that.

At least he’d be sitting down.

He said he thought pole vaulting would give him more of a rush.

Again, I’d be happy to give him a rush several times a day, if he wants.

“Wouldn’t you want to try it?” he asked me, about pole vaulting.

I told him “No.” I don’t think I would.

He seemed surprised.

I’m only 36.

I’ve got a few years before I vault into my mid-life crisis.6

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  1. A few years ago he even did a mini-trialthlon. []
  2. normal -sized []
  3. which he did in 2007 []
  4. hellooo []
  5. we never got around to doing it. []
  6. Despite what the gray in my beard is saying. []

The Color Orange

It had been 2 years since I saw a football game live.

Despite I’m only an hour and half away from what is considered on of the greatest places to experience a college football game.

An hour and half there, three and half hours of game, and an hour and half back, easily turns into a seven hour trip1 and Granny’s age and health have kept me closer to home.

But this past Saturday night, I worked it so that I could join The Attorney at the Tennessee-Georgia game and it felt like I have never been away.

Those of you who live in or near places like Ann Arbor or Columbus can appreciate what it’s like to become immersed in and emotionally bonded in that community of 100,000 of your closest friends created around a 100-yd rectangle of grass.2.

Like any community, you sort of have neighborhoods depending on where you sit in the stadium and, especially if you’re a season ticket holder like The Attorney is3, you have your own regular circles of friends.

And I guess by association, the regulars who have season tickets around his, are also friends of mine.

I would never cross paths with any of these people otherwise.

Still, they remembered me from two years ago, and seemed happy to have me back in the circle.

The Attorney must have let on, to at least some of them, why have been absent, because one woman in the group, who was always very fond of me, said that she hoped that my appearance did not mean that we had lost Granny.

That’s good people.

But what true member of the Vol Nation and isn’t?

The Orange that runs through our veins makes us all blood brothers on Saturdays in the Fall.

Orange is University of Tennessee’s team color. Orange and White, actually.

I know you’re thinking “Who the hell would pick orange for a school color, let alone wear it?”

University of Texas, Clemson, Syracuse,and Oklahoma State, to name a few.

Tennessee’s particular shade of Orange is called Big Orange.  It has more yellow than red in it, and is supposedly derived from the color of a certain kind of wild daisy that grows in the state.

It’s one of those colors that’s pretty obnoxious when one person is wearing it.  But, when it’s 100,000, it couldn’t be more glorious.

At least on Saturday’s on Fall.

It turns out Tennessee lost the game.

But, I try to live life as a glass half full kind of guy.

So, driving back home4 I kept going back to the good stuff: seeing live football again; virtual strangers who treat you like family; the gorgeous weather; the Attorney bringing and extra pullover for after dark, because he knows my tendency to dress only for the moment at hand; a brief escape from obligations; a 100K-person impromptu choir howling “Rocky Top” at the tops of their lungs.

And the color Orange.

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  1. not counting Attorney snuggle time. []
  2. Although the grass is fake at Michigan and Ohio State []
  3. I joke that is the reason I started going out with him []
  4. there’s plenty of time to go over stuff in your head, for better or worse, in an hour and half. []

His Own Man

Some of you commented on my post about The Attorney wanting to take up pole vaulting by saying to “let him go ahead,” or other things to that effect.

Like he was wanting my permission.

That made me laugh, because ya’ll just don’t know The Attorney.

He was just letting me know it was something he was planning to do.

He’s not the type to ask my permission.

And I’m not the type to expect him to.

It’s why we get along.

We each do our own thing.

That’s not to say that we don’t have our opinions.

Because we do.

But, when it comes down to it, he’s his own man.

That’s just one thing I love about him.

He may be my man, but he’s his own man, too.

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Leopard Stance

We were naked on our bellies, watching ESPN and eating cup cakes.

“Be careful of crumbs.  I don’t want any chocolate smears on my sheets.”

The Attorney was concerned what his once-a-week housekeeper would think.

As if it would be the first time she’d find a post-coital stain on a sheet.

But, I wasn’t going to argue with him.

Not when he was in such a relaxed mood.

I’ve mentioned before that The Attorney can be little uptight in his manner.

Lovably so.  But still a little uptight.

He’s very meticulous and generally lacks the comfort with his own nudity1 that I have.

But, tonight he was hanging around naked and eating in bed??

Who is this man???

I don’t know if I would have been any more surprised if there had been a syringe and rubber band on the night table.

“I can change a little,” he said, when I commented on his ease.


He wasn’t loosening up.  He was proving a point.

As Attorneys2 are likely to do.

His point went back to earlier in the evening when we were going out to dinner and I said I was content to get a burger.

It was our date night, so I think he had in mind someplace a little more…more.

“Oh, come on.  You can get a burger anytime.  Let’s go somewhere you can get something you really love.”

I love burgers.

I really do.

He sighed and shook his head.

“You know, one of the things I love about you is that you are who you are and you don’t change.  And one of the things that frustrates me about you is that you are who you are and you don’t change.”

Says the man who folds his dirty laundry because he believes it takes up less space in the hamper and he doesn’t like to see it spilling over.

But, he had made his point.

Satisfied that I got it, he finished his cupcake, put his underpants back on, and washed his hands.

The chameleon reverted back leopardhood.

Which is really how I like it.

You know where you stand with a leopard.

And we leopards should probably stand together.

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  1. he’s fine with mine. []
  2. a group who never wants to be wrong []

Hobby Hour

30+ Day Challenge -Part 32: A Hobby and Part 33: A website

I’m suffering blogger’s block, so I’m falling back on the 30+ Day Challenge again.

I’m combining #’s 32 and 33 into one post, because they really are about the same thing.

In a way, over the past 7 years (!) web sites have been a hobby of mine.  I started my online journey with a naughty picture web site that a friend put together.  The only real hobby part of that for me was posing for the pictures.  I didn’t create or know how to operate the site.

Then came the LARGETONY Blog. It was to help promote the picture site.  Keeping it going is how I began to learn how to control the look of websites and some minor technical stuff.

But, that blog (and the picture site) ran its course, so I decided to leave blogging.

That lasted about 4 months and I returned to blogging with West of Mayberry and a bit of a focus shift.

Along the way, I had created a couple of suggestive T-Shirts as gifts for friends.  It was a fun hobby that I recently decided to try to build a little business with.

That’s when LT-Shirt Company was born.

Continue reading Hobby Hour



It used to be a verb.

As in “Your butt amazes me.”

But these days it’s also apparently an adjective.

As in “Your butt is amaze.”

What used to be “amazing” is now simply “amaze.”

At least that is the way I heard it used on the TV show about the Hollywood stylist.

I was only half-watching, but I’m pretty sure I heard her nasally refer to a dress/jewelry/shoes or something as “amaze.”

I was “appall” (ed).

But then again, she had the Oscars, and Fashion Week, and a photo shoot, lunch, and her baby crowning all at once, so when was she going to have time for an extraneous third syllable?

I should be more “understand.”

I’m sure she was not the first to say it.  Nor will she be the last.

And I think there will be lots more abbreviation of spoken words to come in the “futch.”

It looks like “FUHch,” but pronounce it “FyOOch.”

It’s the “abbreve” for “future” we will use in the “futch.”1

Abbreves are meant to be spoken, not written.


But, thanks to texting and Twitter, there’s plenty of written abbreviation going on, too.

Except these digital age abbreviations are really more of an avoidance of vowels.

With our youngest generations communicating almost exclusively with their thumbs,3 I wonder what will happen to our ability to spell.

Don’t be surprised if in 30-40 years your grandkids are competing in the school Texting Bee.

Or more likely, “Txt B.”

Poor little letter “e.”

Isn’t it ronic that the most common vowel in our language seems to be the biggest victim of the digital-age.

Flickr.  Tumblr.  Grindr.  The list goes on.

It’s only a matter of time before “e-mail” drops a vowel and becomes just “mail.”4

To be fair, the blame for vowels becoming extinct could actually be placed squarely on the shoulders of  “The Wheel of Fortune.”.

Just about everyone who uses social media and digital communications heavily was a child at some point in the long  run of the game show.

We were not just being entertained by a glittery spinning wheel and a more glittery mannequin turning light-up block letters.  We were being indoctrinated.

We were taught that vowels cost money.

All the other letters are free.  Use them as much as you want!

But don’t waste your hard-won cash on vowels.

Should we be surprised that the decrease in vowel usage blew up a few years ago when the economy went south?


It’s amaze to think about.

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  1. Yes. Even the word “abbreviation” has been abbreviated.  I heard it on a different show. No joke. []
  2. Totally. []
  3. And here we thought opposable thumbs put us at the top of the evolutionary chart. []
  4. Literally and metaphorically, I’m afraid. []